Akathistos

In deciding what to post on this blog, I thought it would be important to chronicle the ways that I have altered my lifestyle and perceptions since attending St. Athansius. Being so resistant at first slowed my progress, but once I was willing to participate, I quickly saw changes in my life.

• My prayer life
• I have never thought of myself as a “prayerful” person. I used to pray when I needed something or when something tragic was happening to myself or someone I cared about. Oftentimes, I would say “I’ll pray for you” and then never actually followed through with the promise. There were times in my Christian development when I was devoted to prayer. During my sophomore year of college, I used to spend my lunches reading my Bible and praying. At times, I had a prayer list and I attempted to pray daily, though not successfully. After being married, Nathaniel and I also went through spurts of deepened prayer to times where we would go days without praying with one another, and sometimes I would go days without praying at all. Throughout this time, I always considered myself a devout Christian woman of prayer, though prayer wasn’t actually part of my day for the most part. I used to put prayer off, thinking I’ll pray for that before I go to bed, thinking that somehow the appropriate time to pray was in the quiet of my room with the lights out before falling asleep while in the middle of praying. It hadn’t occurred to me that I could pray without ceasing. Now I try to pray continuously. If I see a car accident or a funeral procession, I make a point to pray. If I know someone is struggling with pain or hurt, I pray for them the moment that I find out, rather than waiting for a more opportune moment. Now, I don’t want you to get the impression that I am boasting about this because that is not the purpose of my sharing this. I only want to show how my prayer life has been shaped by Orthodoxy.
• To add to this, the Orthodox church practices praying in front of icons and altars. Here is our home altar, which contains icons of Christ, Mary with Christ, the Last Supper, David’s baptismal candle, a cross, our prayer book, a Bible, incense, flowers from the service when we were accepted as catecumen and photos of our loved ones. At first, I was incredibly resistant that setting up a home altar. I thought that we were supposed to pray to the icons, but in actuality, they are used to be windows into the spiritual world, designed to help us achieve a prayerful mindset while contemplating the people and events in the icons. This, in turn, will lead us to a life of prayer and contemplation. I misunderstood that for a long time, but now that I understand the purpose of icons, I have found that they have enhanced my prayer life. I am able to look at an icon of Mary and it deepens my understanding of not only Christ’s becoming man and sacrificing himself for the world, but also of Mary’s incredible devotion and piety. She has now become a person who I strive to shape my mothering and unconditional love for my family after. Having a home altar has given us a sacred place in our home where we can join as a family to pray together. It has deepened our marital relationship, and when David is old enough to better understand, I pray it will develop our familial relationship.
• My concern for others
• Before I began attending the Orthodox church, I was very selfish. Though I cared for my family and friends, my concern did not extend past that small network. I did not look at the beggar on the street and feel compassion for him; rather, I was annoyed that he didn’t have a job and had the audacity to plead with me for my own hard-earned money. I now have the ability to see deeper into a person, attempting to find understanding in their current circumstances, rather than judging them based on my own preconceptions.
• And back to my prayer life, I make a point to write down the prayer needs of others and to actually pray for them when I say I will. Or, if I pass the beggar on the side of the road, I pray for them rather than making quick judgments.
• My ability to appreciate the differences in people
• Going along with the above section, I am beginning to develop a better appreciation for those who are different than I. I try my best not to create preconceptions of people based on their appearances or the rumors I have heard about them; though I do not always succeed, I am trying. I want to be able to see people with Christ’s unconditional love. I am certain this will be a lifelong endeavor, but I plan to press on and learn to love through unbiased eyes and ears in order to better understand those around me and then, I hope, to learn to love them.
• My love for my husband
• Nathaniel is the most patient person I have ever known. I, by nature, am not patient in the slightest; however, he posses great patience and kindness. Throughout our entire time in the Orthodox church, Nathaniel has never pushed me. He never expected me to understand something or challenged my questions and protestations with Orthodox teachings and practices. He was also gentle in his instruction, knowing much more about the church than I. Despite what many may think, it was actually upon my own urging that we became catecumen. Nathaniel patiently waited for me to be ready. He never urged me to participate before I was ready, and when I did step out in faith to try something new, he always applauded me, to my own embarrassment, and encouraged me to continue on.
• Our relationship has deepened beyond any of my hopes for our marriage. I feel incredibly blessed to be able to share this journey with him. I couldn’t ask for anything more and, yet, he gives me more each and every day. He is truly a gift from God for my own salvation because I would never be in this place if it hadn’t been for his patience and enduring love.

I have much to learn and many areas which I need to grow, but these are some of the main areas where I have seen distinct changes, changes that showed me the Truth in the Orthodox church.