What I Didn’t Expect
Jan 4th, 2007 by michelle
I had originally intended to use this blog to help my non-Orthodox family better understand our journey. But now I see that this blog has become a tool for my own understanding of this venture.
Visiting with my family over the holidays showed me how wrong my perceptions had been about their views/opinions of our becoming Orthodox. Originally, we had thought that my parents would be more accepting and my hubby’s parents would be the ones who we would have a harder time understanding. But, it seems like my parents have a lot more to argue with us about. My hubby and his father have always loved to debate theology; so not much has changed in their relationship. However, for me, debating theology is not something that I enjoy. I am able to write things down, but I am not able to get those words out with clear intentions when I am speaking. I easily become defensive and emotional. I don’t like debating. At all. I don’t like feeling like I am being attacked, especially by my parents.
The conversation with my mother started like this: “Will your son ever know the saving grace of God?”
After a moment of pure shock, I answered, “of course.” And continued on to explain to my mother that we, Orthodox, believe in the saving grace of God. My goodness! It showed me how much my mother did not know/understand about the Orthodox faith. Having been raised Catholic, my mother did not understand what it meant to “be saved” until she began attending an evangelical church when I was about six years old. She feared that my children will also lack knowledge in the grace and love of God. I was able to calm her fears, but not without some persuasion. Her next question related to the ever-virginity of Mary. I have been quite shocked that this has been the most common question amongst my evangelical friends/family. I never in a million years though that this would be such a cause for controversy and a reason for people to back away from Orthodoxy. It isn’t something that I even saw as controversial before it was mentioned to me by a friend. My father and my hubby also got into many headed conversations about the Orthodox church.
I think that one of the biggest issues for my parents is being able to get past a “Bible-only” mentality. But this isn’t something that I would single-handedly tackle. I just pray that my family will be able to see outside the box that their church has put them in. They don’t want to hear anything that doesn’t come directly from the Bible.
One thing that hit me really hard this week was that if we were attending some backwoods church here in Kentucky, my parents would never think anything of it. But since we are attending an Orthodox church, they have a need to dissect everything about our church. I find that incredibly frustrating and disheartening.
I know that only through my prayer can I help my parents better understand this journey that we have taken. No amount of explaining my faith and my church will help them to truly comprehend. If anyone has a prayer concerning non-Orthodox family members, I would appreciate it if you would pass that on to me.
Have a blessed day.
Her next question related to the ever-virginity of Mary. I have been quite shocked that this has been the most common question amongst my evangelical friends/family. I never in a million years though that this would be such a cause for controversy and a reason for people to back away from Orthodoxy. It isn’t something that I even saw as controversial before it was mentioned to me by a friend.
It’s controversial because the teaching is not “Biblical.” As you said:
I think that one of the biggest issues for my parents is being able to get past a “Bible-only” mentality.
- - -
The ordinary understanding one would probably have of Matthew 1:25 - which says that Joseph “kept her a virgin until she gave birth to a son” (NASB) - is that after the birth of Jesus, they had marital relations. (I have read the counter-arguments.) Thus, to set forth as one’s belief something that is not stated in the Bible (there are all those “brothers and sisters” of Jesus to deal with, too) is a big issue for the non-Orthodox (but not, of course, for Catholics).
I’m not surprised to find that when they hear of the doctrine of the ever-virginity of the Theotokos (another term that makes them cringe!), it becomes a big issue for “Bible-believing” Protestants. What also surprises them, though, is for these supposed heirs of the Reformation to find out that both Luther and Calvin believed in Mary’s ever-virginity - and I fancy that both Martin and John knew their Greek and knew all about Matthew 1:25 and Jesus’s siblings.
That sounds so much like me and my mom. I too have the tendency to get emotional and defensive, and I can write things down much better than I can say them. My Mom and Dad both grew up in Roman Catholic as well and had no concept of grace.
Blessings to you,
Rebeca
Debating really frustrates me too. I don’t like arguing with people. Sometimes I will do it anyways, but when people get upset that makes me really upset. So I can imagine how hard that must have been to have your family argue with you.