Akathistos

This afternoon my mom had an appointment with an oncologist in NYC.  He is one of the top oncologists in the country and was the #1 oncologist in 2007.  And he is baffled by my mom’s cancer.

With the myloid sarcoma that she has, my mom should have acute (stage 4) leukemia- she should be dying.  But she is healthy.

The doctor checked her blood today and everything looks good.  She doesn’t seem to have leukemia and there are no other tumors in her body except for the one in her hip bone.  Tomorrow, he will be meeting with a panel of over 100 oncologists, radiologists, hemotologists, and many other types of doctors to discuss my mom’s case.  He will also be talking with my mom’s previous bone cancer doctor, who referred her to the new doctor.

My mom is a very rare case that has her oncologist “perplexed” and now she is at the top of the list of his patients.  This means that he will be focusing on my mom above all his other patients  (remember, he is one of the top people in his field- so this is incredible).

She is supposed to call the doctor at 9:30am on Wednesday.  At that point, he will have spoken with various other doctors and will have a better idea of what they are going to do next.  It may be radiation, bone marrow tests, chemotherapy, another biopsy, or more tests.

Essentially, we don’t know anything more, but we do know that now the best of the best are focusing on my mom. Thank you for your prayers.  I’ll post again on Wednesday.

A big thank you to everyone who commented on my last post.  Words cannot express how much I appreciate your prayers.

Things are going fine here.  Tomorrow is the big day.  My mom’s appointment is at 2:15pm.  If you can, please remember to pray for her at that time.  She is very nervous- and I am sure that is an understatement.  It seems like everyone in the house is on edge.

Fortunately, we were able to attend Vespers and Liturgy at a beautiful Carpatho-Russian Church that we didn’t even know existed until a couple of days ago.  It is a gorgeous all wooden chapel with beautiful icons.  It is very simple and the music is all in plain chant, which I had never experienced before.  The people were very welcoming and the priest even added my mom into the petitions, which was greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and to pray for my family.  I will post again tomorrow.

Sorry for my absense. We are in NY and we know the results of my mom’s biopsy.

My mom has cancer.  She has a myloid sarcoma.

We are staying in town through Monday, which is the day that my mom has an appointment with the oncologist.  At that point we will make some big decisions.  We may end up moving back to NY.

Please pray for my mom, the doctors and our wisdom in deciding what we need to do.

Thank you, Michelle

I first saw this on Marfa’s blog, and I love sharing “green” tips and ideas; so I thought I would join along.

The Wayfaring Wanderer is giving away a set of “green” items: a Reusable (Earthfare) Shopping Tote bag, Tree Free Photo Frame and a Living Green a Practical Guide to Simple Sustainability. To be entered into the drawing, all you have to do is follow the directions on her blog post.

5 Things That I am Doing Right Now

• Recycling- we don’t have pick-up, so I have to drive into town to do it.
• Repurposing- I use things like glass jars for storage, the kids make art projects out of cereal boxes and other cardboard items.
• Reusing- we use cloth diapers and cloth napkins.
• Cleaning- I use homemade cleaners.
• Biggest change: no plastic bags! (I forget to bring my bags in to stores sometimes; so this is still a work in progress).

What I am Working On or Don’t Do (But Could)

• Reducing- I have been working on buying only items that can either be recycled or repurposed (this can be very difficult at times).
• Scaling Down- we have a shed full of things that we don’t use. These things could be repurposed or given away.
• Less Purchases- I have tried to stop buying as many pre-made foods and making more recipes from scratch.
• Less Waste- I read about a lady in England who has a family of 4 and only throws away one bag of garbage per week (due to reducing and recycling). I have been working on trying not to waste as much.
• Supporting Local Producers- I need to purchase more food from local Farmer’s Markets and stores that sell American-made products.

My Nomination: Since I first saw this on Marfa’s blog, I nominate Marfa!

The first few layers of the bone marrow biopsy looked fine, but as they got deeper down, they found lymphatic tissue, which could indicate that she has lymphoma.  Now another test is being run on those cells, and we should have the results in 4-5 days from now.  My mom will also need to have a PET scan to see if she has lymphoma.

Lymphoma is a cancer of a part of the immune system called the lymphatic system. There are many types of lymphoma. One type is called Hodgkin’s disease. The rest are called non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

We can’t tell if they doctor is just trying to cover all his grounds or if it really seems to be lymphoma.  All we know is that there is more waiting involved.

If the tests come back saying that it is not lymphoma, my mom will wait and go back to the doctor in five weeks to see how things are going.

Tonight before bed, I asked my little girl, “Who loves you?” And she replied, “Jesus.”

I asked her several times to make sure I heard her correctly and every time she said, “Jesus.”

Remember, she is just 15 months old. It brings tears to my eyes…

I wrote last night’s post when I was feeling worried.  I don’t want you all to think that I feel that way all the time because I do not.  Before everything started happening with my mom, I was pretty content.  I thought some about our future, but not in the way that I have been recently.  As a planner, I like to know things in advance, but there are many times in my life when I have just had to wait on God and His timing. And the BEST thing about that is that He ALWAYS provides!

I’ve felt very certain in God’s plan and His provisions today.  I know that He will provide for us.  It may not be what we had planned or even what we want right now, but His plan is good.

I am resting in the certainty of His provision.  Brigid sent me this verse today: John 16:33, “Tribulations will come your way, but be of good cheer: I have overcome the world.”

How could I not post about a saint with the words “the hairy” in his name?

Blessed John the Merciful of Rostov (also known as “the Hairy”) struggled at Rostov in the exploit of holy foolishness, enduring much deprivation and sorrow. He did not have a permanent shelter, and at times took his rest at the house of his spiritual Father, a priest at the church of the All-Holy, or with one of the aged widows.

Living in humility, patience and unceasing prayer, he spiritually nourished many people, among them St Irenarchus, Hermit of Rostov (January 13). After a long life of pursuing asceticism, he died on September 3, 1580 and was buried, according to his final wishes, beside the church of St Blaise beyond the altar.

He had “hair upon his head abundantly,” therefore he was called “Hairy.” The title “Merciful” was given to Blessed John because of the many healings that occurred at his grave, and also in connection with the memory of the holy Patriarch John the Merciful (November 12), whose name he shared.

from oca.org

I am having a hard time finding things to write about recently, here and on my family blog.  I think some of the things that have been on my mind right aren’t things that I can really discuss on my other blog and I don’t really even know who reads this blog (If you do read this blog, please leave a comment- I would love to know who is actually reading this); so that makes things difficult.  I want to have a place to share my thoughts about things that are weighing on me right now, and this is going to have to be the place.

As you know, my mom had surgery almost two weeks ago.  We still do not know the results of the biospy, which is a bit frustrating.  She has a doctor’s appoinment on Thursday, and we should know the results on that date.  I honestly just don’t know what to think.  I want everything to be fine, of course, and everything seems to be pointing away from cancer, but I still worry.

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

From time to time, I find myself worrying about our future.  We originally moved here so that my husband could get an MDiv from the local seminary.  Then he changed his degree to a Masters in Theolgy.  Then I got pregnant, which changed everything. At this point, he isn’t going to finish that degree.  There isn’t much point to it if he is thinking about becoming an Orthodox deacon or priest.  So we’ll probably eventually go to an Orthodox seminary; however, there aren’t a lot to choose from and the ones we would consider would bring us back to the East coast, which in all honesty, isn’t where I want to end up.  I love my family more than anything on this earth, but I also love where I live right now.  I have a small group of wonderful friends, a church that I love, a priest who I respect, and our family is able to live here comfortably, without pretense and without feeling like we need to “fit in”.  We can be who we are and not feel judged.

Growing up in Westchester County, NY, turned me into a person that I did not like.  It is right outside of NYC and is one of the wealthiest counties in the country.  It is a place that shaped me into the judgemental person that I am today, but through prayer and confession, I am able to work on my “tendancies”.  I am scared to return to a place of my greatest weaknesses.

Worry, being one of them, is plaguing me right now.  I worry about where we will live if we go to seminary, what will happen if we don’t go, where we will go after seminary, how our lives will change if we stay where we are, who my children will become if I take them to a place that developed qualities in myself that I cannot stand, and who I will become if I go back.  Compounding all of this is the expectation from my family that we ARE moving back- eventually.  But if my husband does feel the call to go to seminary in the near future, that does not mean that we will stay there (near them).  We aren’t able to decide exactly where we want to be- there needs to be a place for us to go.

Right now, there is nothing that we can do about any of this.  We have debts that need to be paid off first before we can even start considering a move, whether that be across town or across the country.  Also, we have only been Orthodox for a year, and my husband wouldn’t be able to go to seminary until we have been Orthodox for three years.

My worries are for things that are in the distant future, and, yet, I worry.

I so desire to be a peaceful person.  This is not my nature.  I am a high-stress, fast-paced, worrier.  I pray that God will give me peace about all of this.  I hope that once we know the results of my mom’s biospy, I will stop thinking about the future so much.  Everything seems very uncertain right now, and I want to be able to control it ALL… even the things that cannot be controlled.

Lord, have mercy!